1. Steal. Take ideas without citing the source. You can do this by not linking to a blog you’re quoting, or lifting someone’s tweet and re-tweeting without giving them credit.
2. Sell without establishing a relationship. Here’s how: tell me how much money you’re making on Twitter in your autofollow DM, or start promoting yourself, your accomplishments, your blog constantly.
3. Remain hidden. Don’t put up a profile picture. Don’t use a real bio. Better yet, don’t use a bio at all.
4. Constantly ask for help without providing any value. There are hundreds of millions of people on social networks—and they are all there to help you figure out how to subscribe to a feed, find a great website and use Twitter. Feel free to ask them daily. They’re waiting for you.
5. Lie. Tell people you’re a guy when you’re a girl. Claim to have a PHd when you have a GED. Pretend you’re a Star Trek fan when you’ve never seen it. Embellish on your accomplishments. People will never know.
6. Abuse the poking, nudging features on social networks. We all forget that you can poke people on Facebook and nudge on Twitter. A daily reminder should be sufficient.
7. Be inconsistent. Update your blog every day for a month and then don’t blog for a year. Try the same approach on Facebook and Twitter.
8. Be “that guy.” Comment on every picture your friends post on Facebook with an inside joke that only you and two other people understand. CC the entire email list to respond with a 1 or 2 word answer to a question intended for the group. Whine.
9. Use punctuation to express your enthusiasm!!!! Often!!!
10. Remind everyone that you’re an expert. Every day someone forgets. It’s your duty to not let that not happen.
What did I forget?
